About a month ago, I introduced to you Jess LB (See Part 1). She?s a 22 year old, polyamorous woman who will be contributing her column Alternative Perspective to Straight Up Love as a Love Lives Blogger. Here is the second part of our interview:
Polyamory Interview with Jess LB | Part 2 by StraightUpLove
SUL: What are the unique challenges that have come along with your polyamorous relationships, and how have you come to deal with these challenges?
The #1 thing is honestly. WIthout honesty, you have nothing. That goes for any relationship but especially with poly because, like I said before, you?re throwing one of those huge fears out the window. You really should feel like you have nothing to lose.
We are not each other?s property. We?re coming to each other out of our own free will. If one person is being dishonest about their desires, it throws off the entire authenticity of the connection.
Along with that is insecurities. If someone isn?t honest with you about their insecurities right off the bat, they slowly kind of come out and can destroy that relationship. It?s really unfortunate because you could have been honest about it right from the start and you could have tried to deal with them. Or, you could have known that the relationships wasn?t going to work. Again, that?s something that goes along with any relationship but really, especially with poly.
You really have to have a grip on yourself and on your sense of self-worth in order to understand how to be loved by someone who is also consciously loving others.
SUL: Do you think that jealousy is an innate, human feeling or just something caused by insecurity that anyone can overcome with enough work?
Jealousy is a reaction to feeling threatened. You feel threatened that you?re going to lose something that you think you have. You really have to be honest with yourself about what you realistically have to lose.
You can?t really control jealousy. You can learn overtime, teach yourself, be honest with yourself and slowly feel jealous less and less in certain situations. You grow and you know better but sometimes you?re going to feel threatened.
You?re going to be like, ?Who is this person? They are younger than me, they are prettier than me, they?re cooler than me, they have whatever I don?t have.?
You can?t really control that all the time. But you can control projecting that on someone else and you can really recognize that being jealous is your problem. It?s not your partner?s problem. You don?t have a right not police them because they?re not your property.
SUL: Do you think that everyone should be polyamorous?
No. I don?t feel like it?s much of a choice. How you act is a choice. How you feel is how you feel. For me, being poly is not an option. It?s either I?m open about it, or I cheat, or I suffer in silence.
I recognize that as much as I feel those feelings towards multiple people, some people really may only find that one person that they feel that way about.
SUL: To conclude our talk today, Jess LB, what advice would you give to people who can relate to you and want to explore?
First of all, ask yourself if you?ve ever been in a relationship and cared deeply about that person you were with but thought about being with other people. And how important acting on that is versus remaining in that monogamous relationship.
If it?s not worth it, then I wouldn?t really recommend exploring it. It can really hurt people who aren?t ready for it. If it?s a legitimate struggle that you?re having and you feel pained hiding that aspect of yourself, then it?s important. To thine own self be true.
You really have to ask yourself what?s m ore important: pleasing others or fulfilling your own life?
SUL: We know that you?re involved with the VanPoly Group, are there any other resources that you?d like to cite for our readers?
Source: http://www.straightuplove.com/polyamory-interview-part-2-introducing-jess-lb/
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